New England style IPA!

My first foray into the realm of the much-heralded "New England Style IPA"!  (or is it?)

Cramming juicy, hoppy goodness into each pint, these beers are meant to be cloudy.  So much so that brewers (allegedly) use additives to create that murky look.  I dunno.  Call me crazy but when I was home brewing we busted our nuts to get the clearest fucking beer possible.

A hazy batch resulted in more Irish moss, heavy whirlpooling (which sounds dirty) and sacrificing a gallon in the kettle during transfer to make sure all that shmegma stayed in there.

But now, this is a thing.  OK.  Whatever.  MY FIRST FORAY INTO THE REALM OF... oh wait, I said that already.  Ahem.  Let us continue.  Perhaps, it really was not my first exposure to the now, super-hip New England/Vermont Style IPA!

I have had Heady Topper, which I thought was really, really good.  But not sell-you-left-nut good.  If I'm up in new England and it's as easy to get as a six of Pabst, I'll drink the hell out of it.  But I'm not bending over for it.  I've also had Sip of Sunshine.  Also pretty tasty though much less impressive (for me) than Heady. I bring these up because, well, apparently they're "New England Style" IPAs (though, on Ratebeer.com, they're both simply listed as Imperial IPAs.  (Perhaps this NEIPA nomenclature wasn't in effect at the time those beers entered the database?)

Equilibrium's Fractal Citra is, allegedly, of this mold.

Yes, it's turbid as fuck and has some lemony notes both in the nose and on the palate.  But it feels too "light" for me.  At 6.8% ABV it's close to my beloved Union jack (7.5%) so I shouldn't be missing the alcohol.  Maybe it's the hop profile and it's just too bright?  (I do tend to favor dank, cat-pissy IPAs.)

The RateBeer.com description lists mango, lychee, pineapple and passion fruit.  That guy must have a scalpel of a palate because all I get is lemon.  Lemon rind.  OK, maybe some mango.  But what the fuck does a lychee taste like?  Is that as easily recounted into one's taste memory as, say, ketchup?  Lychee my ass.  But I digress.

It's not a bad beer but it's not for me.  I'm missing layers of darkness, dankness and futility.  Oh wait. We're talking about beer and not my soul.

It needs to be funkier because I like getting slapped around when I drink.

We're having this with tacos later, which is good because the Scorned Woman hot sauce and chopped habaneros should provide the kick I'm missing in this beer.